“Lowering Standards for HER”

The things I hear just in passing from people having everyday conversations, blows my mind sometimes. The crazy thing is if people will say those things in public, I can’t imagine what they talk  about in private.

I was scrolling on Facebook the other day, passing through the normal shenanigans on my timeline, when I saw someone’s comment on a post. The post was a meme of a plus size woman and a male of average build. The quote under the post said, “This is the kind of woman I want to come home to every night.” As you may know, as you scroll down your timeline you can see a status/post and the first or last comment under it. The comment I saw said, “Okay man, so you lowered your standards?”

I found that comment very interesting, not because of who said it, but because I was wondering how many other men feel that way about dating a plus size woman. How many men are dating a plus size woman currently or considering it, but is thinking “I had to lower my standards to date this woman.”

Why are plus size woman looked at so low on the totem pole, where dating a big beautiful woman is a downgrade? Simply because plus size women have a belly, thicker thighs or larger limbs we’re a downgrade. Forget the fact we can cook, are loyal, have a good heart, and can prolly teach you a trick or two where it counts 😉. Nope, most men are too stuck on the fact that our stomachs are not flat and our thigh gap isn’t wide enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you have to be attracted to plus size women. It is fine to say a plus woman is not your type, but it is disrespectful to say someone downgraded because they decided to date a plus size woman. Trust me if you have to question if being with someone makes you look bad or makes it seems as though you have low standards, then it’s probably best for the both of you if you don’t date them at all.

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Stretch Marks

Those silent but deadly paths that flow in different directions over our body. Why are they looked at with such disgust? They show no mercy to shape or size. You can be big, small, male, female, curves, no curves, mother/mother-to-be or no kids at all and still have stretch marks.

God forbid you wear a swimsuit, crop top, or sleeveless shirt and you reveal those wavy lines. Society has caught us, in those instances, to be embarrassed and insecure, but why? They are simply another indent on our skin no different than a birthmark or childhood scar. Would you go around concealing every scratch or scar on your skin out of embarrassment? Would you hide your birthmark because you are ashamed to be judged?

If you are comfortable with who you are then be the first to accept and own all of yours marks, scars, and so-called “imperfections.” If having stretch marks is someone’s excuse for not being attracted to you then it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Nobody is perfect, but no seriously NO BODY is perfect.

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First Day In (The Gym)

“You need to lose weight,” they said.

“Your health is important to you, isn’t it?”

So you go to the gym and try to step your healthy living game up. That first day goes one of two ways:

1. You walk in, look around, size up the machines and take a deep breath. You plug in your headphones and dive in. You jump from machine to machine and rock it like a pro. You convince yourself you can do this everyday; it’s not so bad.

OR………

2. You walk in to a somewhat unfamiliar place. You notice all the other people who are clearly regulars and realize you about to stick out like a sore thumb. Already somewhat intimidated you enter the gym and begin to workout. Although you are unconsciously worried about who’s watching you, you continue to exercise. As the end of your workout nears you question how often you plan to return.

I would say when I joined my gym, it went more like number one. I walked in and knew I was there for me and my health. I put my headphones in and tuned everybody else out. I worked at my own pace and figured out which machines agreed with me lol.

When it comes to living a healthy lifestyle you have to go at your own pace. No one should intimidate you because living healthy is not a competition, but a way of life. So kudos to you, whomever you are, for loving yourself enough to be better. Oh and remember to love yourself at every stage of your body.

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Internal or External Attraction

Internal or External? Which do you pay more attention to when you are first getting to know someone?

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Naturally if someone is physically appealing to us initially they have our attention. For some it’s the eyes, the windows to the soul. For some it’s the combination lips, smile, and teeth. But wait, hol’up….are those dimples 😍😍😍. You can’t forget about the facial hair because I am a beard lover all day. Well trimmed and groomed facial hair is a must, but hey some like it wild. For men, I would hope for women you prefer a blank canvas lol.

Body Type

As we move on down and zoom out for a second, we move on to the body. Do you prefer short, tall, big, small, curvy, skinny? I personally don’t have a preference as far as big or small, but he just has to be able to handle me. I am not a skinny woman, so you have to have a nice build, not the overly exaggerated body builder type. I say pick someone who compliments your body type, unless someone else steals your heart or attention first.

Mind

Now let’s zoom in and I mean way in, that’s right we moving on to intellect. What that mind do? Lol The way someone thinks, how they speak, how smart someone is can be very vital to how they appeal to you. I want a smart, educated man, but not a know it all. I want a man who stands for something and can explain why if asked. Who doesn’t want somebody who can teach them something and take them somewhere mentally that they never been before?

Listen we all look for a cute face, bomb body, intellectual mind, and smooth personality. Which one sets the tone for you?

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Unfortunate Misunderstanding

It is very unfortunate that you assume my body shape automatically comes with low confidence.

It is sad that society has conformed a mentality that if your pants size is not a single digit “it’s time to lose weight.”

It is a great misunderstanding that if one is big that are unhealthy, but the greater misunderstanding is automatically assuming weighing less secures healthiness.

It is very offensive for one to assume that my weight limits me from doing everything a person of “average weight” can do.

It is ignorant to assume my potential work ethic based on my appearance.

It is pathetic of one to date a plus size person assuming we have no standards and will accept any treatment because no one else will love us.

The facts of the matter are….

Plus size people a lot of times carry high levels of confidence because we know that we are expected to be sad and miserable.

Plus size people don’t focus on the size on the label, but the comfort of the fit.

Plus size people can be some of the most active people despite the assumption that we are all lazy.

Plus size people can often do things that average people can not,  so do not limit us to or less than only those things that “average people” are capable of doing.

Plus size people work harder in the workplace because we are expected to not actively contribute.

Plus size people have the capability to attract any size partner that an “average size” person can. We have to know our worth and we also demand respect. Therefore, do not assume you can not and will not be replaced if you do not give us the respect and love we deserve.

It is sad that so many stigmas are placed on the plus size community, but it is a unfortunate misunderstanding  assuming we have to accept them

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Don’t Define Me By My Waistline

Why do most men relate beautiful with skinny? I hate when guys say, “She has a pretty face and she can always lose weight.” So is a woman not beautiful or attractive until she loses weight?

Both men and fellow women need to stop putting stigmas on plus size women and plus size people in general. I know unattractive and out of shape skinny people. I also know gorgeous and healthy plus size people. Stop judging people because of their size.

Nobody is perfect, so everybody has their flaws. You will always see something you want to change about somebody,  rather it be your weight, height, hair, skin, clothes, income, housing situation or even their  voice. Obviously we all have our inner thoughts when we initially meet people, but sometimes it’s best to leave those inside at least until you get to know the person.

A skinny waist does not always equal a pretty face and chubby does not always equal ugly. Give people a chance or regret you didn’t later.

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“Don’t excuse my belly”

Why is that when plus size women take photos they cover their stomachs or say excuse my stomach? Why are you apologizing for who you are?

Even if, as a plus size woman (or plus size person in general), you are trying to lose weight  and get rid of your stomach, you should still embrace the body you currently have. You should be confident in who you are and what you look like no matter what. Your outer appearance does not define who you are on the inside. When you take pictures or record videos, hold your head high, put on that pretty smile, and embrace that body and all that it comes with. If somebody likes you for you then they will accept you no matter what stage of your body you are in.

Ain’t no body shaming this way honey. Either you take me as I am now, or regret what you missed out on later. I promise I will not be losing sleep either way. Don’t look for me to cover my stomach, or say wait let me suck it in when I take a pic. Let’s be real just because you cover it up doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Maybe the weight will drop one day, but until then be you and do you!

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